Pleasures of the Flesh
In this blog, I decided to go into a part of my personal journey of being Intersex. To begin, what is Intersex?
The UK Intersex Association provides this definition:
“Intersex people are individuals whose anatomy or physiology differ from contemporary cultural stereotypes of what constitute typical male and female.”
I was born Intersex and shortly after birth was assigned as a male by the medical staff. While I have scaring on and around my genitals, I am not sure exactly what sex reassignment surgeries were performed. It was kept a secret.
As I grew up, I did not fit in as a male nor a female. I remember at around the age of 4 or 5, I snuck into the woman’s bathroom to try it out because I felt I did not belong in the men’s room. The woman’s room felt wrong as well. I was not allowed in the all boy’s club nor the all girl’s playtime. I did not fit in when it came to sex.
The medical profession was even worse. As a young child, my doctor examined my genital area and smiled smugly. At the time I was not aware of why the doctor took such an interest, but it felt creepy. After a few pictures were taken, I was told to get dressed. I asked if there was something wrong. The doctor replied that everything was fine. At the time, it felt weird in the way he said it. During my childhood there were more physical exams where it seemed like I wasn’t being told something. That there was a secret being kept from me.
Sports were a nightmare. I could not throw overhand like a boy and it made my shoulder hurt. Sit-ups and push-ups were painful. No matter how hard I tried, and I did try hard for years, I just did not measure up to the regular boy standards of physical abilities. Everyone kept telling me that I just needed to apply myself and man up.
By third grade I was sent to doctors for testing, including an EEG. The first EEG was early in the technology and they shaved my head to attach the sensors. I asked what the test were for and they said that it was nothing to worry about, but would not tell me what was wrong. I had seen enough TV shows to know that when a Doctor would not tell you what was wrong, it meant that you were going to die. For the next year I kept wondering just how long did I have. I felt like here it is, more secrets about me. What is so wrong with me that they have to keep all these secrets.
The effect of gender dysphoria!
By the age of 15 I was depressed and suicidal. I was diagnosed with ADHD and severe Learning Disabilities including Dyslexia but only told that I had problems learning. It was not until I was in my early twenties that I learned the truth. As it turns out, learning differences are a common trait of Intersex people.
It was around the age of 16 that I came across a word that changed my life and gave my life meaning. I wrote and said the word daily. It became my anchor. The word was androgynous. I found a word that fit me, my nature. Androgynous fit my core identity. I am androgynous. I celebrated in this new knowledge. The word was powerful. It fit me.
It wasn’t until I was twenty-three that I learned I was Intersex. Once I did learn the truth, much of my life made sense. Yet even then, I did not have any real proof. I would drift back and forth between thinking being Intersex was my truth to questioning is it really true since I don’t have actual hard scientific proof. Impostor syndrome is a bitch.
For most of my early life I experienced gender dysphoria. I wanted my body that I was born with, not the mutilation of my current genitals that resulted from the medical field. Without the words, I new that I was a Ladyboy, a hermaphrodite. I wanted to be a real hermaphrodite, not some twisted medical aberration of a boy. I felt powerless and damaged.
Due to shame, gender dysphoria, and self-doubts, I kept all these dirty secrets. I even felt a little bit guilty that I had discovered the truth, that is until I learned about ancient spiritual practices. Paganism opened the door to my path in life. It was a process that took me several decades to put it all together. As I wrote in my previous blog, I empowered myself through ritual, knowledge, and spiritual practices. I learned that many of the Shamans and ancient temple priestesses were either transsexual or intersex. By transgressing gender, it prepared one to transgress and navigate from the material world into the non-material realm.
I learned about the Two-Spirit concept. I learned about the path of the Shaman, or as I like to think of it, the She-Man. We had roles and functions. We had a place in society. We were acknowledged for who and what we are. We were healers and spirit guides.
The pleasures of the flesh.
For the first time in my life, I had positive role models who were like me. From learning all this information, I started running Aphrodite’s Temple (a modern-day sex temple) over twenty years ago for pagan festivals, burning man events, and BDSM events. I studied human sexuality, sexual practices, sex magic, sex rites, and sex rituals. Recently I became a certified sexologist and sex coach.
The Power of Naming:
There is a power in naming. When we name something, we give it form. We raise consciousness both for our self and others. Here are some of the names I embrace as part of my identity: Sacred Harlot, Sexual Shapeshifter, Shaman, Two-Spirit, Bisexual, Psychosexual Healer, Sexologist, Hermaphrodite, Polyamorous, Ladyboy, Priestess, Dominatrix, Sex Coach, Spiritual Sexuality, and Androgynous.
We all are wounded from living in a sex negative society. We receive little or no sexual education. In every other human field of knowledge, we are expected to study, practice, and master skills. Yet, in the field of sexuality, we are living in the dark ages. When it comes to sex, we treat it like a forbidden subject filled with scare tactics, misinformation, and ignorance. Sex is still a taboo subject to discuss openly, even between lovers. Yet things are slowly changing. I believe we are entering a new age of sexual enlightenment.
Becoming Sex Positive:
How would our lives be different if we were taught sexual skills and mastered the art of sexual expression through practice and experience. Through my journey as an Intersex person, I learned about my body and how sex works for me. One of the problems with sexual reassignment surgery for many intersex people is that often there is permanent nerve damage to the genitals to some degree or another. I was fortunate in that the nerve damage was minimal in my case. But there is some nerve damage that I had to learn techniques to work around in order to experience a good sex life. By learning sex muscle exercises, Tantric techniques, and many other methods, I learned how to experience sexual ecstasy both solo and with partners.
Ladyboy Gigi preparing for a hermaphrodite ritual.
This is the path in life that I have chosen. In part it is directly connected to being intersex. In part it is seeking answers to both the masculine and feminine mysteries. I overcame gender dysphoria though a process I now call Body Image Healing. I have developed a video training program on Body Image Healing based on what helped me heal.
From the time I came of age (reached puberty), sex was amazing. I discovered that I experienced a wide range of different types of orgasms. While it is difficult to classify different types of orgasms, I do feel that some of the orgasms are more of a female type and some are more of a male type. I also experience types of orgasms that feel more spiritual.
There are areas of my body deeper within the genital area that when stimulated, feel different from stimulating my penis. When I stimulate these areas, I can reach orgasms that are non-ejaculatory but produce multiple waves of pleasure, like waves washing up on the beach.
I have discovered through the practice of Tantric sex ways to even experience extended multiple ejaculations that can last from 3 to 5 minutes. The ejaculations come in waves and are not a single ejaculation, but a rhythm that crescendos up and down, repeating with slight variations. To reach these types of orgasms, I practice edging while stimulating or being stimulated for a day to several days, getting close to orgasm but not quite reaching the point of no return. At the end of the edging session, I bring myself to an orgasm unlike any other.
Another edging technique that I have practiced involves bringing myself to the brink of ejaculation and then squeezing my sex muscles (PC Muscles). I then experience a mini ejaculation where just a few droplets spurt out. These mini ejaculations are like a mini orgasm. By reaching several in a row, it brings a whole new experience to sexual pleasure.
Anal pleasures bring on a whole different set of orgasms. These types of orgasms are more emotional and I feel a deeper connection with myself. Often, I will giggle, laugh, and have tears streaming down my face. I feel passionate emotions arise as I stimulate my anus which culminates in highly impassioned orgasms.
I have been teaching different Tantric techniques to my submissive and others. From these training sessions, along with practice, he too has opened the door to experiencing new levels of sexual ecstasy.
Sex is Energy
I mention all this because this is one of the gifts I bring to this world as a hermaphrodite. Throughout the ages, intersex people have been teaching similar sexual skills in the ancient sex temples. A wholistic form of sexual expression is for me what it means to be a hermaphrodite.
Today, I take people on an informed consensual journey into self-discovery utilizing trance, sex coaching, and rituals. I provide sex education based on my studies in sexology and Tantra.
I have written a book called The Dominant’s Handbook – An Intimate Guide to BDSM. https://ggwilbur.com/shopping/.
I write blogs every so often on this website and host a podcast twice a month called Adult Bedtime Stories. https://redcircle.com/shows/adult-bedtime-stories
Recently, I started running a virtual Aphrodite’s Temple using Zoom. We gather virtually for an afternoon once per month. To learn more about Aphrodite’s Virtual Temple, go to: https://www.ladyboytemple.com.
As a hermaphrodite, I have learned that intersex people have a rich heritage in many ancient societies. We were the shaman, the psychosexual healer, and the spirit guide. We had a function and role in society that was honored and respected. It is the sex negative modern world of an age of sexual darkness that has attempted to eradicate our existence. Yet the scalpel cannot cut deep enough to change my true sex and gender. I have a knowing, even as a young child about what I am. There is a power in naming and I reclaim my power in the name of Ladyboy Gigi. To the best of my ability, I reclaim my birth right as a hermaphrodite, sacred harlot, and psychosexual healer.
Live a Sex Positive Lifestyle:
I invite all who read this blog to join in the sex positive movement by living a sex positive lifestyle and bring sacredness back to sexuality in your life. Celebrate in the pleasures of the flesh free of shame and guilt. Learn how to reach a higher state of consciousness through the practice of sacred sexual expression, lovemaking, and mindful masturbation. Start practicing raising sexual energy daily, either solo or with a partner, and embrace the pleasures of sexual ecstasy.
Tune into cosmic energy!
After all, the creator, universe, and nature created and designed our bodies with the ability to give and receive pleasure. I think it is a sin when we deny our sexual pleasures. See where sexual ecstasy can transcend your life and become connected with the life force energy that is within each of us, as sex is energy. Sex is a pathway to enlightenment. Sex is the sacred act of creation
Websites mentioned in this blog:
UK Intersex Society: http://www.ukia.co.uk/about.html
The Dominant’s Handbook –
An Intimate Guide to BDSM: https://ggwilbur.com/shopping/
Adult Bedtime Stories Podcast: https://redcircle.com/shows/adult-bedtime-stories
Aphrodite’s Virtual Temple: https://www.ladyboytemple.com